


Atsumu Falls for the Clorox Overlord

by orphan_account



Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Can you tell I have cats, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, M/M, O Great Clorox Overlord
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28060977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Atsumu goes through many fascinating adventures and finally- finally!- receives his prize: his brain cells, which were borrowed from his brother and other kind donors, as he did not have any to begin with.Atsumu also obtains and unspecified number of Sakusa’s kisses. Oh, joy.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: My Personal Matchmaker is my Cat [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049132
Comments: 10
Kudos: 96





	Atsumu Falls for the Clorox Overlord

Atsumu wants to argue, but he really can’t.

Sakusa’s holding his hand. His _hand_. 

Okay, to be fair it’s because he’s dragging Atsumu off to show him a stupid Atsumu-induced accident, hissing, “ _Miya_ ,” all the while, but _still_.

His. Hand.

“Look,” growls Sakusa- they’re now in his apartment, and he throws the door to his bathroom wide open.

Inside, a mess of unused, shredded toilet paper is unrolled over the floor; tufts of cotton drift in the air.  
Atsumu notices a small, moving ball of black among the white. 

He gasps. “ _Chuutoro-chan_! What do you think you’re doing?!”

The Chuutoro in question peers up, not a hint of guilt in those big golden eyes. He continues to claw at the soft paper mercilessly.

_Fatty Tuna?_

Sakusa is honestly beyond questioning, but he asks anyway. “Why... _Chuutoro_?”

“It’s my favorite food!” Atsumu grins, glancing over his shoulder while bending over to pick up the mischievous kitten. 

“But-“ Sakusa groans. “Whatever. He snuck in somehow and destroyed my toilet paper supply. And _you_ get to pay for it.”

Atsumu puts a hand over his heart (the hand with the cat), affronted. “ _I_ have to pay for what _he_ did?”

“I- he’s a cat! He doesn’t have _money_!”

“This is _inequality_!” Atsumu wails, waving his arms around him (he’s still holding Chuutoro). “I call for change! Change! Change! I need change, both types work!”

Sakusa drops a 10-yen coin into his hand and sends him on his merry way, but not without a sympathetic look to Chuutoro. Poor kitten, with such a horrible role model. Good thing Koko can make up for it.

The last thing he hears before slamming the door shut is, “ _TEN YEN_? OMI-KUN, THAT’S-“

———

Atsumu whistles as he struts back to Sakusa’s apartment, toilet paper in tow; he’d had to double back after realizing he was still carrying Chuutoro, who somehow hadn’t struggled the entire time. 

Koko had licked Chuu’s scruff and given Atsumu a reproachful look, to which he responded, “You take better care of your kids, Ko-chan! Papa’s busy!”

_I have better taste in males than... you_ , Koko had said.

It’s not weird at all that Atsumu makes up Koko’s dialogue in his head. Not at all.

He bangs on the door- a nondescript, white-washed thing meticulously clean, as always. 

It swings open, revealing Sakusa’s scowl. “Wha- oh.” his gaze falls to the pack of toilet paper in Atsumu’s hands. 

“That’s right!” Atsumu boasts. “I, Miya Atsumu, bought you your toilet paper without dying!”

“A truly impressive feat,” mutters Sakusa, but he lets him in anyway. 

Atsumu lets the grin overtake his face- not the one he shows his fans, the sly playboy one that has girls squealing about oh my god he looked at me-it’s the one that he can’t keep down and squeezes his eyes shut and puffs out his cheeks.  
He doesn’t like how this smile looks, how it renders him vulnerable and ripe for the picking to all who witness it, so he supposed it’s a testament to how much he’s opened up to Sakusa. 

Of all people- _Sakusa_ , the grumpy, rule-following germaphobic asshole with unfairly handsome features and soft curly hair and _ugh Atsumu’s in deep._

He knows there’s no chance that Sakusa likes him back; Sakusa’s every action screams _I am annoyed. Go away, Wet-Straw-Hair-Man._

But one can hope. 

“Say, Omi-kun,” Atsumu pipes up, T-posing while Sakusa sprays him with rubbing alcohol. He then plops down on the couch- Sakusa’s clearly given up trying to stop him.

“Hm?” from Sakusa’s retreating back, probably to put the pack of toilet paper in the bathroom. 

_Fuck it_. “Do ya like anyone?”

There’s a loud thunk and a distant mutter of _shit_ before Sakusa replies with a disgruntled, “What? Why are you asking me?” His voice is guarded and decidedly pissed off. 

Atsumu gulps but says, “I dunno, Omi-omi! Just curious.”

Sakusa’s dark eyes appear as he enters the living space. “No. I don’t”

They stare at each other, and Atsumu feels like he’s a mouse being stalked by a cat.

He slips on his provoking smile, raises his eyebrows haughtily at Sakusa. “You _reaaaaally_ don’t?”

Sakusa looks aghast, dark brows scrunching together. “No. Shut up, Miya.” 

Atsumu drops it with reluctance- he knows Sakusa’s word isn’t solid evidence but, well, Sakusa doesn’t seem like someone who’d fall in love. 

If what he has can be called love. 

He thinks so; he’s not emotionally constipated like certain people he could name.

Atsumu realizes that there are butterflies in his stomach when he talks to Sakusa, realizes the giddiness he feels isn’t from seeing the kittens do something cute but from spending time with his disgruntled neighbor. 

It’s _frustrating,_ and Atsumu throws his head back with a dramatic groan.

“What?” snaps Sakusa at the motion.

“Eh? N-nothing.”

Sakusa’s dark eyes regard him in silence for a few extremely terrifying moments, before he seems to decide something. He says,“I- actually, I do like someone.”

Atsumu’s frozen at the sudden admittance. 

Sakusa stumbles over his next words, looking unnerved by Atsumu’s reaction. “W-well, as much as... someone like me can- like someone, I guess.”

Atsumu’s mouth is still stuck, and he makes a very eloquent, “Hgah?” sound.

Those dark eyes dart over again, and Atsumu notices- is that a blush? “Miya. Get a hold of yourself.”

Finally, Atsumu rasps out a, “Who?”

Sakusa looks away. “I’m not telling you, idiot.”

Talk about anti-climatic.

“Noooo!” wails Atsumu, unfreezing and wiggling his arms, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. “My interest is peaked, Omi-kun! Ya gotta tell me!”

_He likes someone? Sakusa Kiyoomi likes someone?_

Atsumu wracks his brain for any memory of Sakusa texting, calling, being around anyone he might have a crush on.

Hinata’s definitely out; the guy’s head over heels for Kageyama and Atsumu knows Sakusa well enough to delete Hinata from the possibilities.  
Bokuto, too, has Akaashi, and he seriously doubts Sakusa could fall for the owl-head.

He scans his mental list of every other person in their team- Meian is out, Barnes is out- Ushijima? No, he and Sakusa never talk; Atsumu would know, what with the way he watches for Sakusa every waking moment. 

It’s pathetic, really, but what’s to be expected of an extremely observant setter with a crush?

And though he goes through a dozen more possibilities, he can’t think of anyone. 

“Hello? Miya?” Sakusa’s leaning forward, waving a hand in Atsumu’s slack face. 

He realizes belatedly he’s been staring off into the distance for a minute now. 

“No worries, Omi-kun, I was just trying to figure out who ya _like-like_ ,” Atsumu teases, recovering; there’s no point lying when it’s obvious he’d do so. 

“Don’t bother,” grumbles Sakusa. “You don’t know them.” 

Atsumu feels dread creep up and seize his chest.  
He doesn’t know this person- have they talked to Sakusa? Touched him? Spent secret hours together?  
He grins anyway, knife-sharp, and says shrewdly, “ _Them_ , eh? Didn’t know you were into that, Omi,” 

Sakusa glances back at him again, and _fuck_ is he hot. His gaze is rather jagged, though- “Do you have a problem with that?”

Wow, Atsumu did not think of that. His eyes widen, and he shakes his hands frantically. “No, no no, Omi-kun! Is yer gaydar broken or sumthin? I’d be a hypocrite!”

Sakusa seems to be trying to comprehend this information- his forehead is all scrunched again. “Gay...dar?”  
He jerks his head in surprise, and Atsumu wants to laugh. “You’re gay?” 

“Uh... yeah, obviously.” Atsumu tilts his head.

“How is that obvious?”

Atsumu sighs, shaking his head sagely. “Gaydar, Omi-kun. Gaydar.”

Sakusa doesn’t try to ask. He checks the clock and his eyebrows shoot up- it’s way past Atsumu’s bedtime. 

Yes, Atsumu has a bedtime. Ten P.M., to be exact; it’s the only thing he follows religiously- “I gotta get my beauty sleep, Omi-Omi! And otherwise I wake up with reaaally dark circles and you’re gonna get mad.” 

Sakusa grabs Atsumu, lifting him by the arm and pushing him out the door with a, “It’s eleven already, Miya. Go get your- beauty sleep, or whatever.” 

Atsumu feels a spark of surprise. “Aw, Omi! Ya care about m-“

The door slams in his face. 

Atsumu sighs dreamily. 

_Ah, young love._

———

Atsumu really wants to fucking die. 

It’s been an awful day, to say the least. 

This is the part where he goes through the list of things that went wrong, isn’t it? Fine. He needs to rant. 

“So what happened, ya ask?” (Koko hasn’t glanced up from her daily cleaning) “Ya mean after I slept past the alarm, flubbed half my serves and tripped over my laces? Ya won’t believe it, Koko-chan!” Atsumu exclaims, talking to a cat that looks supremely unconcerned by his outbursts.  
After all, she has five kittens to care for, and one of them is the infamous Chuutoro. 

“He fucking came up to me and said, _Are ya the gay Miya_?”

Koko definitely rolls her eyes with a warning of _Language, Atsumu._  
Umeboshi, the kitten with the white-splotched nose, shakes her head in sympathy. 

“Thanks, Ume-chan. Anyway, I tell him, with my hand on my hip and all sassy like that, ya know, that we’re both the gay Miya.” Atsumu sighs, glad no fistfights had broken out when that random man had confronted him on the sidewalk. “Luckily Omi and Bokkun scared him away, ‘else I dunno what he’d have done.”

“And THEN. Guess what. I go to that Family Mart with Omi, right? And nothing’s fucking wrong. Nothing.”  
Atsumu takes a breath. “Oh, but wait! This fanatic takes a picture of my ASS. Like, whips out her phone and does it in the middle of the snack aisle. I- I’m flattered, but like, no. No.” 

_Stop with the monologue_ , Koko says. _My kittens are virgins who have done nothing wrong._

“I’m not. Done. Koko-chan, wait til ya hear this. The girl had a mini printer. She prints out the picture and asks me to sign it. She _prints it out_. No shame! No shame, I tell ya. I thought Omi was gonna blow a fuse.”

Koko and who Atsumu thinks is her favorite daughter, Nigiri, peer up at Atsumu with identically pensive eyes. 

He can tell what Koko is thinking.

Atsumu groans. “I thought about that too, Koko-chan. Was he jealous? Was it just because what she did was inappropriate? It’s too hard, Nigiri-chan!”

Nigiri agrees, then tilts her head in inquiry of the rest of his shitty day. 

“Right, right! So all that shit happened, right? Then after the ass-incident, the fan ran away, and I bought the snacks I wanted. Finally.” He slumps down further on his couch, the cats surrounding him. 

It may or may not be an exorcism. He wouldn’t put it past Koko, anyway.

“Then we’re walking back here,” Atsumu gestures to the room around him, “and this teenage girl spills her PUMPKIN SPICE LATTE on me. It is not fall, I tell you. It is not fall. Why does she have one.”

Yakiniku (gold eyes, white-tipped tail) clambers onto the sofa, and Koko laughs heartlessly at Atsumu. 

“ _Aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh_.” says Atsumu. He slides his butt down until he falls onto the ground with a thunk. “I feel like _shit_ \- shut up, Koko-chan.”

He stares glumly at the ceiling, reflecting how ridiculously horrible the day had been; was it even possible for this many stupid things to happen to one person?

On top of all that, he’d been constantly thinking about what Sakusa had said a few weeks ago- about the person he liked. 

Insecurities had bubbled up, twinges of _I’m not good enough_ and _I should quit trying_ and _why does anyone bother with me_? 

The weight on his chest is so _fucking annoying_ , and he wants to just rip it out. Fuck feelings, fuck crushes. Fucking pretty Omi. 

Just then, there’s a rap on the door- the sound is loud and snaps Atsumu out of his own world with a jolt.

“Coming, coming!” he stands and makes his way to the entrance.

“Sakusa?” 

Indeed, the Clorox Overlord stands bashfully before him, holding some kind of styrofoam box. “Hello.” 

“What’re ya doing here?” 

Sakusa won’t meet his eyes- and is that a blush? “Um. You weren’t feeling the best. So I brought some. This.” He shoves the box into Atsumu’s hands, and turns as if to leave. “I’ll be going n-“

“Eh?” Atsumu yelps, pulling Sakusa inside. “Ya don’t just _leave_! Dontcha want me to feel my best, hmm?” 

In Atsumu’s mind, he deludes himself into thinking the reason Sakusa doesn’t resist is because he agrees. 

Again, one can hope.

“Anyway,” Atsumu says as they shuffle to the dining table. “What’s in here?” 

Sakusa grumbles an inaudible answer and plops down on Atsumu’s chair (without sanitizing it? Atsumu’s about to combust).

With an exclamation of delight, Atsumu finds his favorite food- Chuutoro nigiri, from his brother’s shop. “ _Uwah, Omi-kun_! Ya really know how to treat someone!” 

He looks up to find Sakusa’s face gone completely red before he turns quickly away. 

_Huh, weird._

Like a proper Miya, Atsumu dives right in, shoveling the delicious fish and rice into his mouth with alarming vigor. Essentially, he inhales it.

He glances up at Sakusa, who’s still decidedly looking away. 

Miya Atsumu doesn’t share if he can help it; he’s a twin, he’s grown up with another half, someone who was always grouped with him, someone who ate his food and wore his clothes and cheated off his homework even though none of the answers were right. 

When others saw him they’d say, “Which Miya are you again?”

Yes, so what if he has an individuality complex? What twin doesn’t?

But- _Sakusa_. Sakusa is enough of a reason.

So Atsumu hesitantly holds out a roll for Sakusa, who whips his head around, looking flabbergasted- an expression so foreign on Sakusa that Atsumu almost laughs. 

“A-are you sure?” the usually standoffish Sakusa stammers.

Atsumu nods, and Sakusa plucks it out of his hand hesitantly. “I washed my hands, don’t worry.” Atsumu tells him.

They sit in silence, and it’s _awkward_ \- comfortable silence is difficult to achieve, especially when one is eating. Atsumu feels wildly out of depth here, munching on his scrumptious tuna and hovering around his crush while neither speak.

Naturally, Atsumu finishes his food first, and clears his throat nervously. “Thank you, Omi-kun.” He adds, so as to not seem overly kind, “Who’d ever imagine that you knew my favorite food?” 

Sakusa’s pink cheeks darken, and Atsumu savors every moment they’re not hidden by a mask. “You said- when your cat shredded my toilet paper, you said it was your favorite.” 

_Ah. He remembered that?_

Atsumu’s surprise must be evident, because Sakusa grows even more flustered at his admittance. “I- I just happened to remember it, okay?”

“Got it, Omi.” Smirk growing and confusion swirling around inside, Atsumu leans forward. Did Sakusa really listen to things he said? Pay attention to him?  
Atsumu’d been under the impression everything he does severely annoys the guy, and to suggest the opposite is- startling.

Just then, Koko jumps onto Sakusa’s lap, giving him more attention than she has to Atsumu since she arrived here; Atsumu slaps a hand over his heart in mock injury. “Koko-chan!” 

Sakusa looks smug for all of two seconds before he meets Koko’s eyes and blanches. 

“Eh? What’d she say? What’d she say?” Atsumu jumps up, all too familiar with Koko’s troublemaking tendencies.

Sakusa isn’t looking at him; rather, his dark eyes seem to be burning into Koko’s. They’re clearly having a silent conversation using Koko’s mysterious powers, and Atsumu wants to be part of it. 

“Omiiiii!” Atsumu drawls out, tapping Sakusa on the shoulder nonstop. “Koko-chaaaaan, pay attention to meee.” 

Sakusa snaps his head up suddenly, making Atsumu spring back and Koko jump onto the table.

“Oi! Omi, stop being so creepy!” 

A snort. “Coward.” Sakusa glances back at Koko, who is staring at him with bright eyes. He seems to decide something, because he then looks directly at Atsumu (fucking finally, the guy was avoiding Atsumu’s face like the plague- _is he really that ugly?_ ).

Because of the terrifying way Sakusa’s eyes are razing through him, Atsumu feels his fight or flight instincts activate. “Wha- Omi, why are you staring at me like I’m a germ?” 

“Because you a-“ Sakusa takes a calming breath, stares some more (which makes Atsumu want to dissolve into syrup and beg Sakusa to spare him) and mutters a quiet “ _Fuck it_.” 

“Fuck wha-“ is what Atsumu gets out before Sakusa grabs his collar and slams their lips together. 

His brain goes, _Eh?_ quietly. 

Then: _EHHHH?!_

Atsumu jumps back, flailing his arms wildly; Sakusa is staring back in shock. 

“Should I not have-?” Sakusa’s voice is horrified. 

“OMI KUN I LOVE YA BUT NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN THEIR VIRGIN EYES KOKO-CHAN HOW COULD YA EXPOSE THEM TO THIS-“ Atsumu then frantically gathers all six cats and shoves them into his bedroom, closing the door. 

Panting, he returns to the dining table, where Sakusa is sitting with an expression of mute shock. “Now, Omi-kun-” 

Atsumu realizes the atmosphere is very tense. He clears his throat. “Ah. I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

He waits with mounting dread for Sakusa to say something- anything, and when the silence stretches Atsumu dares a glance at the other. 

Sakusa is shaking- at first Atsumu thinks he’s crying, then he realizes Sakusa is actually crying, but it’s because he’s laughing so hard- and covering his mouth desperately with a hand. 

Atsumu is now the one who’s staring in shock, because _Omi-kun is so cute when he laughs_ and also because Sakusa’s laugh is completely silent; it’s so silent it’s almost like they’re underwater. 

Then Sakusa gasps out a, “You- pushed me away- because _the kittens were watching?!_ I thought-“ he wheezes, “I thought you were rejecting me but- that is so like you-“

Giddiness bubbles up in his chest until Atsumu’s laughing too, loud and echoing with mirth. “I care about my children, Omi! Unlike you, I am a good parent!” 

Abruptly, Sakusa stops laughing, eyes snapping to Atsumu’s.

“Uh.” says Atsumu. 

Sakusa leans forward, keeping his gaze level. 

“The cats aren’t here anymore, Miya,” he whispers.

Atsumu croaks out, “A-atsumu. Not Miya.”

“ _Atsumu_ ,” says Sakusa, and Atsumu shivers at the name, before they’re kissing again. 

This time, there aren’t any interruptions. 

And Atsumu forgets any inhibitions he might’ve had; he throws his arms around Sakusa’s neck and deepens the kiss, imbuing the turmoil of the past months’ worth of pining into it. 

He sighs in bliss, because _fuck yes Omi is his_.

Like, what else is there to say?

———

Unsurprisingly, Bokuto and Hinata begin squealing loudly when Atsumu tells them that he and Sakusa are dating. 

For some reason, they don’t believe him, and even go so far as to say they think he’s too annoying for Sakusa. 

_Rude idiots_. 

Atsumu simply flips his hair (even though it’s not long enough for such an action; what a shame) and pulls Sakusa over. 

When they squish their lips together in the locker rooms, Atsumu feels a genuine smile spread into their kiss as Hinata and Bokuto, the balls of sunshine they are, begin running in circles and screaming. 

When Hinata finally calms down enough to ask how they got together, Atsumu just answers, “Koko-chan.” 

Ah, that cat.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope u guys liked this series! My brain cells died multiple times throughout this so I’m astonished I finished it.  
> For those of you who don’t know, ten yen in Japan is like one cent lmao.


End file.
